Saturday, June 30, 2012

You've got to ride the horse you're on

Back in my previous life (the one where i could leave things on the coffee table without fear of breakage, choking, injury or loss)I mentioned about how this blog might be kicked to the curb while I got a grip on parenthood… well that prediction was spot on. I was focused on survival and blogging was certainly not on my radar...neither was showering, but hey sometimes i surprised myself.  But a year on, now that I have mastered motherhood (ha ha totally joking) I am back. I want to remember everything, things that I might currently think are not worth remembering, but that will be important pieces of the picture in years to come.

I’ve always been one for to-do lists, goals, charts, crossing things off and ticking boxes, so I wasn’t surprised to find an old list of goals lying around. “Survive the first six weeks of parenthood” written in neat, tidy, well written, leisurely, innocent, excited, eager, confident writing,. First six weeks? Ha. I now know that the goal should have been written to say “survive the next 30 years”. But sure enough here I am a massive 55 weeks past the 6 week mark so I can certainly put a big fat tick in the 6 weeks box, however difficult it has been, and nothing is going to get in the way of me ticking off the 30 years box either. Motherhood has been both completely what I expected and something I could have never imagined all at once. I was prepared for crying but I wasn’t prepared for 28 weeks of crying and although at times I feel like it is more than I can handle I am proud to know that I can handle it, anything in fact and that I am and always have been the best mother I could ever possibly be. The past 13 months have been overflowing with amazing moments with the most beautiful little girl in the world(who just happened to cry a lot..), along with the most soul destroying challenges of my entire life, which I can look back on with satisfaction as we have got here today in one piece, as a perfect little family of three.

So maybe the goal should not be to “survive the next 30 years”, it should be “soak up the next 30 years” as this is life. The awesome times, the crazy times and all the other times in between. A wise owl (my sister) once told me "you’ve got to ride the horse you’re on." So far I have been able to tame my crazy horse a bit, but still get bucked off once in a while... but i'm ok with that.

Well that's it for my return to documenting post. Let's see where this blog goes this time. Might be a weekly ritual or it might come second to relaxing on the couch watching TV. But for now it's tea time for me (full cream milk...ahhh the highlights of my life), hopefully I will be back soon.

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