Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Hardness

Yesterday was a hard. One of those days where the roller coaster of life felt like it was a bit out of control and i wanted to get off. Fortunately true to most rides the roller coaster of life while being very up and down, can be fun, exciting, exhilarating, scary, terrifying and awful but usually you want to do it all again. I am very thankful for the gentle parts of the ride that give you the will to ride through the rough parts. 

Anyway it started out to be a very normal day. Then around lunch time I had this realisation that I was feeling REALLY good! I felt great. Tiny bird tweeted and sun shone through the clouds. I wanted to sing and dance and celebrate. Instead(because of my amazing over thinking ability) I started to analyse why it was that I was feeling so very good when on other similar days I felt average. For the rest of the day I subconciously managed to over think things at the same time as carrying out my usual day to day business.  An example of my out of control thinking - seeing a 40 year old drug addict in a car park triggered a horrific scenario in the back of my mind of Evie becoming a heroin addict, which led to me thinking about how I will age prematurely from all the stress it causes, which led to wondering if anyone who is under a lot of stress actually still looks good etc. During this time I also wrote a report, planned an event and wrote lots and lots of work related emails. Seriously couldn't this ability be used for something useful instead please!!! And so by the time I collected my 1.5yr old after work (who was whining as a normal 1.5 year old would at the end of the day) it didn't take much for me to break. Greg was greeted by a whining baby and a broken wife and was forced to save the day. Thank you so very much Greg for putting up with your crazy wife.

Fortunately I know well enough not to sit and predict the future as if worrying about terrible things will protect us from them happening. Instead I decided to go for a walk. True to how I was feeling yesterday rain poured from the clouds the moment my shoes were on. Hilarious. Fortunately it stopped and I headed out in the fresh rain scented air with my new mantra "be awesome instead". Every single time my mind wandered to anything future worry related "be awesome instead" played over and over in my head. It was a very repetitive journey but as a result today I am enjoying the ride (but still holding on with white knuckles). Hopefully one day I will be just as awesome at not thinking about the future as I am at predicting it now and triple hopefully there are no sudden jerks or vertical drops on this ride for a while. 




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